My apologies for my lack of activity over the last year or so, but then again, I think the same could be said about you and your fellow members of the House.
But that is not why I am writing today.
I think I have come up with a solution for the inability of the local professional football team to win a Superbowl. In retrospect, I should have thought of this sooner, but the continuous bi-polar status of joy followed quickly by overwhelming grief on an annual basis that dictates the lives of all Cincinnati Bengal fans shielded me from the true source of the problem for many years.
I took a long session of critical thinking on my part to come up with the idea, which entailed staring at the practice field next to Paul Brown Stadium as my bus raced past on it's way to the airport. I then took the time during my lunch break to verify if I was correct in my assumption, which I was.
So, since you have read this far, you might as well review my data.
| Teams named after People | Games | Win | Loss |
| Pittsburgh Steelers | 8 | 6 | 2 |
| Dallas Cowboys | 8 | 5 | 3 |
| New England Patriots | 7 | 3 | 4 |
| San Francisco 49ers | 6 | 5 | 1 |
| Green Bay Packers | 5 | 4 | 1 |
| Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders | 5 | 3 | 2 |
| Washington Redskins | 5 | 3 | 2 |
| Minnesota Vikings | 4 | 0 | 4 |
| Kansas City Chiefs | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Houston Texans | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Tampa Bay Buccaneers | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| 51 | 31 | 20 | |
| Named after Horses | Games | Win | Loss |
| Baltimore/Indianapolis Colts | 4 | 2 | 2 |
| Denver Broncos | 7 | 2 | 5 |
| 11 | 4 | 7 | |
| Named after Birds | Games | Win | Loss |
| Seattle Seahawks | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Baltimore Ravens | 2 | 2 | 0 |
| Philadelphia Eagles | 2 | 0 | 2 |
| Atlanta Falcons | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| Arizona Cardinals | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 8 | 3 | 5 | |
| Named after mythical tall people | Games | Win | Loss |
| New York Giants | 5 | 4 | 1 |
| Tennessee Titans | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| 6 | 4 | 2 | |
| Named after Miscellanous Animal Kingdom | Games | Win | Loss |
| Miami Dolphins | 5 | 2 | 3 |
| Buffalo Bills | 4 | 0 | 4 |
| Los Angeles/St. Louis Rams | 3 | 1 | 2 |
| Chicago Bears | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 14 | 4 | 10 | |
| Other Intangible Names | Games | Win | Loss |
| New York Jets | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| New Orleans Saints | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| San Diego Chargers | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| Cleveland Browns | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 3 | 2 | 1 | |
| Named after Cats | Games | Win | Loss |
| Detroit Lions | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Jacksonville Jaguars | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Carolina Panthers | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| Cincinnati Bengals | 2 | 0 | 2 |
| 3 | 0 | 3 |
So there it is, a team named after a type of kitty cat has NEVER WON THE SUPERBOWL.
Thus, I now propose an experiment. For one season we refer to the Bengals as something other than a cat, maybe adopt the unofficial ESPN name of the Bungles. Or may just the Bens, in honor of Ben Franklin, since, after all, that is what this is all about anyway.
Go Bens Go Bens Go Bens!
