Monday, June 20, 2011

Social Networks I'd like to see...

Dear Congressman,

Since everyone and their grandmother is on the internet 24/7, I thought I would take the time to outline some sites I would like to see out there, to reflect the true nature of the human condition...

Back Book- yes finally a site for all the back biters out there. Instead of “friends” you would have “frienemies” and, of course, the like button is replaced by the “you’ve got to be kidding”, “gag me with a spoon”, and the “Jane, you ignorant slut!” buttons. However, unlike other social media sites, when you make degrading comments and the whole world can see it was you, this site has a scramble feature, that will attribute your scathing tirade to an unsuspecting member of your frienemy list. Fun galore as you slag everyone and everything to your heart’s content, while your frienemy list wonders who the culprit is.

My Grace – if Budweiser and cheeseburgers have taken their toll on you over the years, then this site is for you! Once you upload recent pictures of your bloated self, the programmers at My Grace have developed morphing software that could have turn Pavarrati into Rambo. Receding or missing hairline? No problem! This site can give you more hair than a 1971 rock concert.

Kinkedin –Do you have gigantic business or political ambitions and an oversized libido to match? Look no further than this network. As privately endorsed by Anthony Weiner, Chris Lee and Elliot Spitzer, Kinkedin is a secure anonymous business social network that “gets on with the business”. All young beautiful women are welcomed into the group with open arms, and in some cases legs, after they have signed the ironclad confidentiality agreement that forfeits all their rights and dignity to horn-dog middle-aged white men from upstate New York.

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