Donald Chump....

Dear Congressman,

I have for many years been in awe of the ability of one Donald Trump to constantly get his names in the headlines. In fact, I am still amazed by his ability to run a reality TV show without bankrupting his production company, as he has done on two separate occasions with his Trump Casino in Atlantic City.

But now he has re-invented himself as a "birther", one of the numerous conspiracy theorists who seem to think that one Barrack Obama is secretly a Muslim spy who is trying to convert America into part of the new Caliphate, designed to take over the Christian world and convert all NFL/NASCAR loving red blooded American males into Allah bowing soul-submitting disciples of Islam. The birthers are convinced that one Stanley Ann Durham, a student in Hawaii at the time she met Barrack Obama Sr., snuck off at the age of 19 with an unknown funding source and managed to reach Kenya, where, in a giant field with all the villagers and wild animals looking on like a scene from The Lion King, she gave birth to our current President. Afterward, she managed to sneak him back into the United States, probably via a leaky boat across the Pacific, and check into the Kapiolani Medical Center and register his birth there.

A very talented teenager, Ms. Durham.

But back to our favorite comb-over conspirarcy theorist, Mr Trump. It appears a recent poll has rated him as only a few percentage points behind our current President. So is "the Donald" gearing up for a new career as the "CEO of America"?

Not bloody likely...

You see, to run for Political office, you have to open up your finances to the scrutiny of the nosy American public, including years and years of tax returns filed with the IRS. I am not stating that Mr. Trump has cheated on his taxes in any shape or form, but I will predict that if we ever saw those returns we would be surprised by just how little Mr. Trump is actually worth. He will be the first in line to toot his horn about just how wealthy he is, however if you ask for verification of these numbers, the comb-over drops ever-so-slightly down over the raised eyebrows right before he changes the subject quicker than Taco Bell's lawyers can file a counter lawsuit.

And for the record, how on earth do you bankrupt the same casino twice???? Casinos generally keep 3 cents of every dollar bet. So, for instance, if you walked in with $20 and bet it 10 times over the course of an hour on different games of chance, you will (again, on average) walk out with $14.75 and the casino keeps $5.25. That would be referred to as "churning" and would create a return of 26% for the house. It really takes effort to lose money with those odds, congressman.